There were many things I wasn't prepared for. I wasn't prepared for the criticism, especially that which came from Christians. I didn't know that, strangely enough, homeschooling either offends people or annoys them. Even Christians. I wasn't prepared that people would question my ability or consider me to be a sheltering mother afraid to let her children out in the "real world", and I especially wasn't prepared that Christians would feel this way towards me. I wasn't prepared that when we explain that our decision was a result of God impressing upon our hearts to homeschool, that some Christians would be snub-nosed towards us. Not all Christians, of course, but it was hurtful that Christians wouldn't understand our decision to follow God's will. I often think that if God had, instead, called us to the foreign mission field that Christians would be supportive of our following His call yet upon finding out that our call was something unorthodox we don't get the same support. Interesting. I don't base my self worth on anyone's opinions but I think I might have started out with rosy glasses, thinking Christians would be more understanding and supportive than the world. Maybe it's because there are private Christian schools nearby and it doesn't make sense why we wouldn't put them there. Why homeschool? Your guess is as good as mine. But all I know for certain is that God definitively asked us to homeschool our children, that it was His plan for OUR family and I don't question it.
I wasn't prepared for the fact that while it gets easier in some respects, every year is hard. Every year has its charms as well as struggles. Every year is easier and more difficult than the last year. I distinctly remember how hard it was to have two toddlers while trying to homeschool second and fourth grades. I had a fussy one year old and a demanding two year old, that was a hard year. As was the year after that. Those two years were probably the hardest. These days we don't have babies or toddlers in the house but I'm trying to teach them both to read and write while teaching my oldest Algebra and Geometry. It's hard but not in the same sense. Every year presents new challenges and we have to learn to grow and adapt.
I wasn't prepared for how much I would love it. How much it would change not only me personally, but the entire dynamic of our family. I wasn't prepared for how it would broaden my worldview. See, homeschoolers aren't sheltered, narrow-minded, anti-socials. We develop a bigger view of the world around us and appreciate culture and diversity.
But mostly, I wasn't prepared for how monumental the task was. I didn't know that God was asking me to do something bigger than I could ever accomplish alone. It didn't take me long to figure it out. I've thought it nearly everyday for the past seven years. "God this is too big. It's monumental and I can't do it." He simply says "I know." And He does. He knows that what He requires of me is something I can't possibly ever achieve. I don't have what it takes to teach them world history and geography, how to read, to write and speak eloquently, how to conjugate verbs, understand algebra and geometry...not to mention trig, how to be respectful, loving, thoughtful and sincere, to love their neighbor but follow God and not the world, to be self-sufficient, independent and confident. To do all that and more...times four. In the moments when I begin to let fear and doubt creep in my thoughts, when I feel incapable of all He has required of me, God lovingly points me back to a verse he gave me in the beginning of this journey and my anxious heart is quieted. Isaiah 54:13 "all your children will be taught by the Lord and great will be the peace of your children." I look around at my children and see God's promise revealed. They are happy and at peace. When I stop being anxious and insecure and simply look to him, I am reminded that His strength is perfect and He is more than enough. I can't attempt to accomplish such a monumental task on my own but He is big enough to accomplish more than I could ever hope for in my family. He didn't give me an impossible task to make me feel incapable, he knows how incapable I am. He never intended for me to do it alone. He gave me an impossibly monumental task so that I would give it back to Him that He might do it for me and bless me. So when I say "God I can't do this" it need not be out of frustration but rather with open hands expecting Him to work through me because "He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." (Eph. 3:20) If what he's asking you to do seems impossible, you're probably right. He gives us tasks that are bigger than we can accomplish on our own because he desires for us to seek him.
“God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to.” ~Elisabeth Elliot